And You Thought All We Care About Is Money.

The process of meeting single guys is fraught with he-could-have-been-the-one-if-only-he-didn’t-something type of conditions. I’m pretty sure every girl has her own set of standards for The Man. Some more predictable than others – smart, intelligent, funny, drop dead gorgeous, rich or getting there, etc and some that are unique to just you. So I asked around and got some interesting answers.
My question was simple, “What is that one elusive thing, almost a subconscious thought that makes you want to meet a guy again?” (this basically means anything that is not a given, the proverbial X factor infact)

Here is a list of x factors women came up with:
1. If I think I can fart in front of him I meet him again
2. if I can picture him as a CEO (simply picture.. the guy could be a NGO activist for all I care but he should look like he could be a CEO)
3. I imagine the kiss and if it doesn’t gross me out I’m in for the second date
4. I think about walking into a family wedding or a party with the guy and if I feel good/ proud about that thought, I’m okay with walking into a coffee shop for a second time.
5. If he has a pulse.

I need to ask more women. Unfortunately all my non-single friends claim they didn’t really have a criterion. Ha.

With Hand on Heart

Last night I read Sophie Kinsella’s “Can you keep a secret?” It’s basically about a girl who thinks she’s going to die in a plane crash and ends up spilling her guts to the guy on the next seat. It’s chicklit so obviously he’s the hero. She doesn’t have any secrets that will change the face of national security or even break up a marriage… they’re mostly inconsequential like she lies about her weight or she broke her bosses coffee mug or she doesn’t like jazz. But really it’s the small things that define us. The book was okay but it made me think of my secrets. Now I’m not dying today as far as I know so I’m just going to push the edge a bit not jump off it.
I…
1. …wear Sky’s clothes, come home, iron them and put them back in the cupboard so that she doesn’t have the right to borrow mine.
2. …swapped one of Titania’s favourite books for a book I really wanted and she still goes crazy trying to remember who she lent it too.
3. … have a favourite Mills and Boon author.
4. …have a fabulous memory and sometimes let people think that I remember because I care.
5. …didn’t give my seat to an old woman on the bus and tried to justify it.
6. …fell asleep through Citizen Kane.
7. …once spotted an old crush and sneaked away from a hotel because I was looking like shit.
8. …pretend to be asleep when I don’t want to be disturbed in the middle of a book.
9. …can’t stop myself from keeping track of the tiniest amount of debt owed by me or to me.
10. …am a total pushover. I don’t know how to say no.
11. …love dancing to Ricky Martin’s La Bomba.
12. …’ve never smoked up, lied to my parents or been attracted to anyone.
13. …would like to be attracted to someone and have my feet knocked off the ground.
14. …cried with joy watching a tennis match.
15. ...felt guilty when Cykie died and I got over it so fast.
16. …am not comfortable with special children.
17. …lie all the time about being at work to get out of partying.
Maybe I’ll get more personal next time.

Ready Or Not... Here She Comes!

I went for Penelope’s baby shower. Her due date is 18th march 2008.
Her baby’s Godmother Taz threw a shower. There was wine and gifts and biryani but no games! I went expecting a bonafide baby shower with nappy changing games and guess-what-the-suspicious-goo-in-the-bag-is kind of party. I was disappointed. Penny said that since I want to do indulge in such entertainment I can turn up at her place for the real thing. I decline since I’m not stupid really. The high entertainment of the shower was when one of Penny’s friends threw a fit on discovering that she wasn’t the baby’s godmother. Hahha. I enjoyed that show. She was so perturbed she even banged into a glass door.
But that aside we did sing songs for the baby. Unfortunately everything has a pervert’s version now.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
God knows what they did up there
But they came down with a daughter.
But I guess our kids will need to know what to watch out for. So no going with Jack up the hill all alone with your hands tied up with a bucket.
I have a whole list of things I’m going to put my baby through in the belly.

1. Read Atlas Shrugged again
2. Read Wuthering Heights again
3. Sing silly songs with words of my own making “the tigers had a brandy fix when the animals went in six by six.” I love tigers.
4. Kiss my husband an awful lot
5. Shout “10000 blistering barnacles” and wave a pretend sword whenever someone annoys me. Note the gradual change in the violence of my abuses.
6. Paint, play with paint. Enjoy colour and then enjoy darkness.
7. Have everyone say something to the kid. Anything at all. Paris will refuse I know but she must. Alanis will talk the baby’s little bum off. Eve can be big sister and studiously give the latest book dope. Salvatore can groan and grumble. Piper will ask me to shut my ears and Sky will be unabashedly corny. Mars can scoff but the baby must hear them talking.
8. Take a holiday to a cool place where there are many pretty paths to wander by. Take those walks. Sit on a bench. Look at new things.
9. Do something that gets the adrenaline rushing – like bungee jump (not allowed me thinks) or go to a Tennis match. Experience something overwhelming.

Okay I cut short my list here to announce that Penny had a baby girl 18 days before her time. She is tagged Baby no. 6 by the hospital and Nandini by her dad. She’s a cute little thing but looks suspiciously like baby no.4 and 5 to me. It really must be easy to swap babies in hospitals. Maybe I’ll inherit some money yet.

To See or Not To See

Put A Penny In The Slot

Music is a very visual medium to me. If a song doesn’t give me an idea of how I’d shoot it, dance it, see it wafting through smoke or falling clear with rain then I just end up switching to the next number.
Here’s a list of numbers from among many that are just seeped in grocery shopping, curved handled canes, sex, top hats, purple silk dresses, legs kicking up gently while walking on a street, exultation and all that jazz.
1. Green Hornet by Al Hirt
2. New York New York by Frank Sinatra
3. Between the Bars by Madeleine Peyroux
4. Sinking Soon by Norah Jones
5. Take Five by Dave Brubeck

And Then There Were None

13th September 2001

Sometimes you stand alone, you feel alone and you cry. You can’t believe that a single body can be wracked with so much loneliness and grief. And then in the middle of a good cry you suddenly realize that life can’t be coming to an end as there will be many more nights like this one.

December 2007

I found this year’s old entry last night. And it’s true… there is always another night like the last one. I think maybe I meant it well… that life goes on. Though if you’re still crying over the same stuff 7 years down then God help you. I didn’t. Phew! That sure is a relief.
(I’m a silver line watcher.)

Points to be noted:
1. Crying blocks your nose but clears your head.
2. Crying in the middle of the night when the world around you is dark and silent really adds to the drama. You hear every shuddering breath. And every whimper sounds louder than it is.
3. If you can't find someone to call and cry with - 2 extra minutes of salt water shedding is due to you.
4. The morning after headache is bad. You might as well have sleep walked and funneled down a couple of bottles of undiluted vodka.
5. I look ugly when I cry. (I checked). So I do it rarely.

Bludgeoned

India's diary - common entry:

I'm fed up with myself for:

1. writing crap

2. not finishing things

3. not writing

4. being a fat pig

5. letting good ideas go to waste

6. not having guts

7. not even trying to tilt windmills

Michael Parkes is one of India's favourite artists. This pic is called Gargoyles. Check out his other work.

Cause and Effect

5 Reasons why the women who can't drive, can't drive...
(most certainly written soon after the bike lessons)

1. We are essentially fatalists. If an accident can happen, it will happen. If it can’t, it will still happen.
2. Women are thinkers. Since we can’t be expected to concentrate on the road and save the world at the same time, we choose to save the world. Okay.. sometimes instead of saving the world we’re thinking about the gorgeous dress in the window.
3. It requires trust to be able to drive without getting a heart attack. You have to trust the idiot in front of you not to brake suddenly. You have to trust that the guy in the snazzy car isn’t going to want to prove himself by veering close to you. Women don’t trust easily. Obviously except for when we love someone.
4. Women are multi taskers by nature. We are genetically programmed to talk on the phone, cook and go through work at the same time. Driving curbs our natural instincts.
5. Shy women especially can’t drive.. you need to have a good abusive vocabulary. Either you abuse or you suffer from high blood pressure.